One question I think about often is this:
How can we, as a church, minister to everyone?
God loves every age and stage of life. Yet the very first institution God created was the family. From infants to great-great grandparents, every single person is living in some stage of family life.
And today, the family is under attack. It has been since the beginning — it just feels more personal now.
We see it in:
- instability and fear about raising children
- homes with absent parents
- parents who are physically present but emotionally absent
- couples learning marriage from television instead of Scripture
- confusion being taught as truth
The list could go on.
But we are not victims.
We are more than conquerors in Christ.
So the question becomes:
Is it even possible to have a healthy family today?
This post begins a three-part series exploring that question. And we start with something every family will face:
conflict.
Because the hardest part of conflict is not figuring out who is wrong — we are very good at that.
The hardest part is deciding who I am going to be while it’s happening.
A Lesson from Beartooth Pass
In the summer of 2008, my family took a trip to Yellowstone. On that trip we drove over Beartooth Pass — one of the highest highways in the continental United States.
At the top, I had a brilliant idea: we should go sledding in trash bags.
If you’ve never tried it, it’s simple: grab a heavy-duty trash bag, sit down, and slide. It’s great fun.
My dad and brother joined me. My dad left the rental van keys with my mom.
Watching us have fun, my mom decided to join in.
After our July sledding adventure, my dad asked for the keys.
She reached into her hoodie pocket…
They were gone.
Somewhere in a massive snowbank on top of Beartooth Pass.
We were stranded.
So whose fault was it?
- Mine for suggesting trash-bag sledding?
- My dad’s for not keeping the keys?
- My mom’s for wanting to join the fun?
We rarely struggle to assign blame.
But we often struggle to act in a way that honors God in the middle of the struggle.
Conflict Is Shared — Conduct Is Personal
Every family experiences moments where:
- words cut
- trust erodes
- motives are questioned
We tell ourselves:
They started it.
They deserve this.
I’ll be kind when they apologize.
But Scripture reframes the issue.
Conflict may be shared.
Your conduct is personal.
“Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God.”
—Romans 12:17-19
If I’m honest, my flesh wants revenge. It wants to say, “God, I volunteer as your righteous anger messenger.”
But healthy families begin when we take a step toward Christ first.
Honor Chooses a Different Response Than Instinct
“Never pay back evil with more evil.” —Romans 12:17
This command does not deny pain.
It refuses retaliation based on pain.
Honor begins where impulse ends.
God’s people are not meant to be reactionary people.
We are meant to be God-honoring people.
Honor Lives Openly and Visibly
“Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.” —Romans 12:17
Honor is not merely internal — it is observable.
The word Paul uses here is kalos, meaning:
good that inspires others to embrace what is lovely, beautiful, and praiseworthy.
Imagine handling family conflict in a way that inspires others to follow Jesus.
That is a goal worth reaching for.
Conflict should not be handled through secrecy, gossip, or passive aggression. Biblical honor approaches conflict with a good-faith effort toward resolution.
Honor Pursues Peace Without Compromising Integrity
“Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.” —Romans 12:18
Notice the phrase: do all that you can.
Scripture is realistic. Peace will not always happen.
But faithfulness is always an option.
The world judges outcomes.
God examines effort and heart.
Peace is the goal.
Obedience is the responsibility.
Honor Trusts God with Justice
“Never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God.” —Romans 12:19
When we take revenge, we assume a role God never gave us.
Our flesh wants to win.
Honor says:
God can handle what I cannot.
Trusting God frees us from the burden of winning and keeps us aligned with the heart of the gospel.
Bringing Honor Into the Home
Our homes should be the strongest place for Christlike maturity — yet often our families receive our leftovers.
So what does honorable living look like in real life?
Ask a Better Question
Instead of: Am I right?
Ask: Is this honorable?
Take a breath. Pause.
“The wise are cautious and avoid danger; fools plunge ahead.” —Proverbs 14:16
Choose Visibility Over Vindication
Would you be comfortable with your response being recorded and played publicly?
“We are careful to be honorable before the Lord, but we also want everyone else to see that we are honorable.” —2 Corinthians 8:21
We often behave differently at home because we think no one sees.
But character is revealed in private.
Take Responsibility for Your Side
You cannot control reconciliation — only your contribution.
“Why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?” —Matthew 7:3
We often say, “I’ll be happy when they…”
Why give someone else control over your peace?
Release the Need to Settle the Score
Often our flesh doesn’t want an apology — it wants the other person to feel our pain.
“Don’t sin by letting anger control you.” —Ephesians 4:26
Better sleep often begins with a sincere apology.
Try this:
“I apologize for ___. I could have ___. Will you forgive me?”
Decide Who You Will Be Before Resolution Comes
Resolution takes time.
Character is revealed immediately.
“A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart.” —Luke 6:45
How we act at home may be the strongest witness of Christ the world ever sees.
Strong Families Are Built on Christ
If the world needs anything today, it is strong families.
Strong families do not happen by accident.
They are built on the foundation of Christ.
Conflict will come.
The question is:
When it does, are we willing to do things in such a way that everyone can see we are honorable?
Part 2 of this series will explore how humility transforms conflict and strengthens family relationships.